I have mistake-on-the-brain because I made a big one this weekend. The maddening part was Shouldn’t I have seen this coming? The worst part was knowing the work I caused for other people, who themselves are doing me a favor and should not have to backtrack because I goofed and then changed my mind. The good part was that in the end it was a fairly-easily-rectifiable, not-the-end-of-the-world mistake. The best part was the dog on the tractor.
Sandy called her “Farm Girl.” He took a break from hammering, measuring, sawing and fitting to make some amusement and roped Joe into the plan. Coco has a small brain and I expect this adventure was nothing more for her than Sure, whatever you say. I’ll sit here like a doofus, why not? I did not participate in setting this stage, but was called over when she was propped and perky and please-can-I-get-down-now? I was still, at that moment, in the throes of self-flagellation, beating myself up for not seeing the situation clearly enough in my mind to head off the mistake at the pass.
Nothing like a little silly dog to change the subject and bring a smile! Thank you, Sandy!
Come to think of it, a day or so later, the mistake itself doesn’t matter so much. It’s only a window, right? It’s only the window I’d been waiting more than eight years for (and then five weeks after ordering), the window I thought would be perfect, the window marked on my inside wall with painter’s tape and marked on my outside wall with a full-size template – both of which I had been staring at for weeks. We worked all day to get that window in. It was hot! I wanted to LOVE it!
But I didn’t. It just looked wrong. Too small. How can it look so small? But it was too small. I was up half the night trying to figure out how to make it right, but I knew – though I hated to say it – that the new window had to come out.
Out it came first thing next day. Not a super big deal in the end and thank God for the reverse function on the screw gun, but I internally fussed: Whatever made me think a small window there would be the right window there?
A fishbowl. Now I see. It all comes down to a fishbowl. Here is my five-seconds-or-less Pictionary drawing of one.
The house I live in is out in the country at the far end of a gravel road. The only other house you can see from it is my own cottage. But my living room did not come with a front window at eye level. The funky 70s triangular window way up high, now removed, did let in light and did sometimes blind anyone sitting in the middle of the room, depending on the sun’s angle, but no one is that tall. I have never been able to look out and see from this room. Likewise, no one has ever been able to look in and see.
Hence, I have never had to worry about being the fish in the fishbowl! Eeks! Adding a window to that wall is a gigantic leap. Nothing partial. No middle ground. No gradually-getting-used-to-this-new-situation. I will go from being unseen and unable-to-be-seen to potentially being seen in one fell swoop! (Whether there is anything interesting to see is another conversation.). Dare I? Do people do this?
My mother is to blame on this one and she knows it – at their house in the woods on four acres she always pulled the blinds at night because “a bear might see me.” No kidding. (I wish I had Sarah’s drawing skills and could draw a bear looking into a window! Her Happy Friday and Purple chinchilla drawings are among my favorites.)
But here I was with a new (small) window with real glass at eye level. How did I think the size would make a difference? Maybe I thought that if it were small it wouldn’t matter? That people would say to themselves Here is a woman who clearly does not want to be looked in upon (otherwise she would put in a big honkin’ window!) – cease and desist! How did I not realize that window glass is window glass and see-through-able regardless? To this point Joe said casually at dinner, “You get something to cover the window for when you need that, a curtain or a shutter or something.”
I do know about curtains and shutters, what they do, how they work, why people use them. Why did it take this simple statement to make me realize that if you can cover a small window, you can cover a big one!
Ah, well, funny creatures, we humans. Fickle sometimes. Not overly able to visualize upcoming realities sometimes. Dense, you say? Thick? Fuzzy? Obtuse perhaps? Lackwitted? Slackminded? Featherheaded? Airheaded? Bubbleheaded? Blockheaded? Myopic? Cabbageheaded? Chowderbrained? Hebetudinous? Out to lunch? Three bricks shy of a load? (Gotta love a good thesaurus!)
Guilty as charged! But a new window is coming – a honkin’ big window! – picked it out and framed up the rough opening already. It will be better!
Hate when that happens. But it does. Things don’t always turn out the way we picture them in our mind. At least you figured it out before all the tools were packed up and the help had more pressing matters to deal with. 🙂
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It was actually quite freeing to be able to say No, not right, let’s try again. In the past I would have felt an obligation to try to like it, to try to make it work, to talk myself into it. I hope that my unwillingness to go down that road is a sign of good growth! Thank you 🙂
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It is. I’m finding myself not to be so accepting of things I am not happy with.
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Exactly. And I am going to have to stare at that space for a long time – who knows how long – so it makes sense to take the extra time and make it something that makes me smile when I look at it instead of regret and cringe!
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Flattery will get you everywhere. I will send you a bear drawing immediately.
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Your drawing is perfection! I will find a way to show it off today! THEN frame it!
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Patricia, curator of the finest post-it art!
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It IS the finest! You are absolutely amazing to have drawn it on a post-it! You must rock at Pictionary! 🙂
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Garsh… thank you! *melts into awkward puddle*
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Patricia,
I hate when that happens. You get all excited and then it doesn’t turn out the way you wanted and *sigh*. I’m glad it wasn’t a life-altering change and is fixable. I can’t wait to see pictures of the big window! I think it’s all going to work out well and it sounds like it’s going to be amazing! Also, your doggie looks awfully cute! And look what you get out of the deal, fodder for a story and a drawing of a bear from Sarah! All worth it! Mona
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Isn’t Sarah’s drawing amazing?! I just stare at it thinking she drew that on a post-it! Thank you for your good wishes regarding the windows — I am confident now that they will be great and fishbowl or no fishbowl, it’ll be a wonderful change 🙂
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